Monday, March 11, 2013

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones will break my bones. But words will never harm me. We all know that nursery rhyme and even tell out kids that they are just words and often say this little rhmye to our child to comfort them. We tell them not to get  mad or say ugly things back, or even not to retaliate physically.

It's so hard when a child with special needs hear those words. They may understand in some way that those words are mean, or even making fun of them. How do they handle it emotionally is much different if they have even the slightest understanding.

This week my heart broke for my Bug. Those words hurt her and even wounded her precious little heart. We went over to a friend's house for dinner and fellowship this weekend. When it was time to get going we gave the children around 30 minute warning that we are going to be leaving soon. They know that it is a signal to clean up and get ready to leave.  

To make a long story short Bug was told, "You need to get home Bug and get ready for bed and change your diapey(diaper)." It was told in a singing way over and over. She just walked away and secluded herself in her own world. Little Man stood up for her and told this child, "to knock it off and that was mean." 

Bug happened to have a very wet diaper. She can not often feel that she is soaking wet. The reality is that she smelled pretty bad.

I  know this family well and they have great kids that are very caring. The reality is kids are kids and they say ugly things. Sometimes in ignorance, or peer pressure, and many other reasons. Even her brother says some awful things at times.

Bug is 10 years old and in diapers. She has tried to use the toilet but doesn't have the muscle strength to control her functions. We have even went to incontinence therapy for several months to see if that would help. We are hoping and praying that horse therapy will strenghten her muscles.

All we can do is educate others when these situations come up. I don't like tattle telling. I overlook many incidents. There are times that certain situation that you have to say something. At times I feel that I need to talk to the parent. Not to get that child in trouble but to hopefully that that parent will take a moment teach them.

I have had those times when I speak to the parent be positive and bad. Here are a few reactions I have had.

1. Some feel that I am tattle telling and just picking on their child. They point out that I am teaching my child to be a tattle tell.

2. Just laugh it off and say, "kids will be kids" and never say anything to there child about the incident. Unfortunately those children don't stop being ugly and mean.

3. They say they will talk with them. If they do talk to them- I don't know as the issues still go on.

4. They come back saying, "my child said they didn't do it." In other words they are saying, "your child is lying about the incident."

5. The child will come to me and Bug and say, "I am sorry." We don't have issues with that child again. Or if we do it is not very often.

Today Bug is thinking she is the only 10 year old in diapers. That she is an idiot and asking, "Why God created her this way?" All you can do is comfort and pray for them. As crazy as it sounds for Bug to acknowledge that somethings about herself is different from other kids and that someone is making fun of her is a big step in her life. In the past she didn't get it. I sometimes wished she didn't get so she would be protected from all the ugliness and heartbreak. 

Teach your child to be sensitive to others that have special needs. I have noticed that it is easier for kids to be sensitive when they see a child in a wheelchair or other medical devices. But they don't seem to recognize that some kids have disability who don't use visible medical devices. Let your child know that many disabilities are not always seen on the outside.    

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